I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
