Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk is not a location!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
