she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
