Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
