I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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