How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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