I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
