matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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