Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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