I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
