He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
