i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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