used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
