I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
