I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
