My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
