I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
