I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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