the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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