I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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