Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
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it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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