So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
