An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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