I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
