I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize