why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
