i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
