did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
