Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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