There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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