dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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