last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
