Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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