So drunk its hurt
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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