official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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