This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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