everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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