i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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