dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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