This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
