you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
