he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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