Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
