I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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