If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
