I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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