last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
