I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize