Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
