so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
