Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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