There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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