I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
