Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
