Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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