Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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