Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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