Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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