Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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