omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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